Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
