Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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