one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
