I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize