11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize