took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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