You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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