Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
