No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You made out with two different species that night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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