i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
