If i come over, it means nothing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
