She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That accounts for only three of the penises
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
