did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
