Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
