i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
