is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
