i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
