Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
