If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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