It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
