Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
