mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
