I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize