They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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