I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
