Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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