You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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