Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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