Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
