im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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