i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
