So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
