fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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