shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
