508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
