You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
