well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sobbing to NWA
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
