**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
