I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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