I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize