He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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