Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
