my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
