These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
