I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
