Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
