The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
