I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
