I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
