Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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