He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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