hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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