thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
