why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
