"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
