I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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