Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
