We're like a lot better than the average bears
Your mouth is God's brothel.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Operation Purity has been aborted
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Randomize
