Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
