the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
