I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize