I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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