the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
