I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
