Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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